As I lay on a lounge chair near the beach recently, I found myself fantasizing about an indulgent life of leisure--a gorgeous oceanside mansion, days filled with manicures and lady lunches, and the perfect staff catering to my every whim.
We all have a top 5 hunks list, but have you thought about who would fit into your new overly decadent palace life? I have. Here are my top 5 staff hires for the new digs (yes you can come over anytime):
The Butler : George Clooney
The main criteria for this job are to look gorgeous in a tuxedo, have a face so handsome it will intimidate even the most glamorous visitors, and a smile that will accompany “as you wish” perfectly. The idea of Butler Clooney drawing a bubble bath and washing my back while I sip billion dollar champagne is enough to make me want to clean the bathtub. Luckily I don’t have to, I have men for that.
The Chef : Idris Elba
I don’t know if he can cook, but it doesn’t really matter. When you are revoltingly rich there isn’t much food involved because you have to stay sample size so you can wear a bikini or tube dress everywhere you go. This is what I learned while watching E News, so it must be true. Apparently you just drink fresh pressed juices, smoothies, and fancy signature cocktails. I already have a Vitamix, and the idea of Chef Idris squeezing limes with his powerful hands into a mojito and delivering it to me in an apron makes me thirsty. VERY thirsty.
The Pool Boy : William Levy
While I’m laying by my crystal clear infinity pool sipping my kale juice, I’ll need something to distract me from my hunger and keep me out of the bathtub. Pool Boy William, in his cute little hipster 80’s surf shorts could probably do that. Once the pool is clean and the jacuzzi is the perfect temperature, he could entertain me by standing there looking hot or lounging on a float getting a tan. Wow, I need another juice. Is it hot in here?
The Gardener : Joe Manganiello
As we all know, grass and leaves are a major issue when it comes to keeping your pool sparkly and pristine. Enter Gardner Joe in low rise jeans with a push mower, gloves, and hopefully a pair of those giant gardening shears that add a little edge of danger. Poor guy will be sweaty and a little dirty and may need a sip of my beverage and possibly a shower when he’s done. Luckily the pool boy just cleaned the outdoor rain shower, and I have perched my chair about 4 feet away. Aren’t you supposed to shower before you hop in the pool? I may have to rinse of quickly while he showers, you know, to save water and such. I love planet earth.
The Personal Assistant/Personal Trainer/Mr. Everything Else : Hugh Jackman
The accent, the face, the body, the...dear lord, I need a cocktail. “Butler Clooney, can you please ring Chef Idris and ask him for a mojito? Maybe he could also fire up the grill and make some organic veggies? Then can you bring down my salt scrub and exfoliate my legs so I can head into the pool for my water aerobics session with PT Hugh? Thanks darling, don’t forget to have the gardner scrub down the mower in a slow motion montage when he’s done clipping the roses. Oh, and the Pool Boy needs a fresh coat of tanning oil on his shoulders.”
My life rules. Care to join me for post dinner jacuzzi while the boys play beach volleyball in Speedos? Fabulous. See you at 6.